No worries, doctor! Knock a drink back for Peevski and you will be fine

Tsvetan Vassilev and Ognyan Stefanov

It is scary stuff what an inebriated mind can come up with. It is even scarier that the hangover drags for days after that. Have no worries, Dr Popkutuev! Knock a drink back, raise a glass for Peevski and proceed to curse your heart out. You did this two days ago and what happened? You disgorged some hog-wash on the Frognews website entitled by your sober editor “Dictatorship in the Prosecutor’s Office? There is such a thing”. Hic!

Yep, we made that hiccupping sound too, but out of surprise. You really had a damaging mix of drinks this time, did you not? It is a killer cocktail – a mobster model, civic duty, politicians, prosecutors and secret services. It is a strong drink, no matter that the ingredients are counterfeit. Even your boss Tsvetan Vassilev does not have such risky combinations of alcohol and he is supposedly a connoisseur. One drink and Vassilev jumps on Facebook to share texts – anything from creations by Bozhilov to Popkutuev and Ognyan Stefanov. To the hazy intoxicated mind the last two are undistinguishable from each other. Come to think of it, to the sober mind too.

Any run-of-the-mill drunkard would tell you that alcohol goes down better in company. Besides, there is always someone only half-drunk at hand to help make sure that you do not collide with the first lamppost on your way home. Do not worry! It would surely going to be a soft landing for you.

It is the dream of every drunkard that someday alcohol that does not cause vicious headaches will be invented. Well, we cannot help you there. You will be hungover for days, if the amount of vomit you produced is any indication. When you feel better, read a Facebook status or two. You know just the right ones. By an author who just like you cannot get his name and identity right. Sometimes he is Iliyan and other times Dragan but most times he is Sasho, an operative of the First Main Directorate of State Security and obviously a special one, judging by the fact he had two aliases. His real name, of course, is Iliyan Vassilev. His Facebook posts are on the short side so it would be silly to sign them with all of his names. Besides, he is a tad more careful with alcohol so as not to get confused and accidentally sign as agent Dragan instead of Iliyan Vassilev. If you have trouble getting the letters to stop dancing, even though these musings are posted twice on the website for facility’s sake – both in text and as a screenshot so people know it is not a paraphrase – just run your eyes over it. One can tell you two do not communicate well enough though.          

Iliyan Vassilev writes that Peevski remains in the shadows and you contradict this. Just have a sit-down and get things straight. Do not forget to invite the others. It is always better to dink in company. Except for you, doctor, you do not need company. Just get on with it – one for agent Academician, one for Ognyan Stefanov, one for Popkutuev. The last one must also have been born to a family of drunkards because who would have such gibberish for a name. Just do not forget to raise toasts for the right people. One can always find a reason! You will regurgitate some fake news as a result, but whatever. You cannot be expected to keep them all to yourself after all. No worries, doctor! You will be fine!

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